Yes, you’re not.

Some people think that you are always happy. The fact is, you are not.

They saw you smiled. They saw you laughed. They saw you made jokes. But they didn’t look you burst out crying that night. Some sadness hit you from somewhere deep inside, and the tears swiftly came to your check.

You really wanted to tell them that you were not in the good situation. But it was absofuckinglutely hard. You couldn’t clearly tell them what were you felt. It simply because they always saw you as a whole package of happiness. You’ve treated yourself to be happy in front of every people, and in the mean time, it beat you.

You still don’t know why you cried a good crying that night. Maybe you just felt really vulnerable because you’ve opened up yourself so much to someone. Maybe, you were afraid. But it was good to get hurt that way. Because when it hit you that hard, something snapped inside of you. You realized that you love yourself enough to not let people treat you badly. You told yourself to be careful next time.

People never mean what they say. They teach you that lesson. For every single words they said, you could never believe it at all. Suddenly, you missed the old of you, the girl who had an over-aware feeling. But you didn’t know well how to be her, or how to be back to the old of you. You were going to be dumb. You were going to be blind.

“I love what we have. And I will want to have it as long as possible. But at the same time, I need to protect my heart, too. I only need to know whether this will go further than a summer fling; or not. That’s all. That way, I can prepare my heart, so I won’t hurt myself again.”

I’m not asking you to do something. I just need to manage my expectation.