To accept and to be accepted.

Everyday, we always make mistakes. And so do I.

I remember, one-day I’ve made a mistake that couldn’t explain to any people. I blamed someone for this mistake. I hated him so much.

The day after that, I felt like my chest was full, hard to breath, and I was going to hate myself too. Everything just wrapped around in my mouth. So I called my friend and met her in the park. Why park? Because I just needed to be accompanied at the place that no one had an authority of that, so nothings could judge me or told me to do something. I just needed to throw all the things on my chest.

She wasn’t say something, or asked me something. She knew me at all. She sat next to me and invited me to do what I want. And then I was crying, but not really hard. I was crying for him, for hated him. For 10 minutes I cried, I felt comfort. I didn’t hate him anymore. Yes, I couldn’t hate someone for a long time.

And the next 20 minutes, I was crying hard, so hard, maybe the hardest that I’ve already had. I hated myself. I couldn’t apologize myself. I couldn’t give an excused for myself.

Day after day, I always ignore him. And for every call that he did for trying to have a good relation with me just made me felt guilty. I didn’t want to hate myself again, not again caused by him.

And today, he comes again. Asking me ‘How are you?’. And I reply with ‘Nice :)’, yes I’ve accept myself. And it’s really surprising me that I reply it with smile emoticon. Yes I did it!

I just need 3 days for accept someone mistake, but it needs 2 years for my mistake to be accepted by myself. It shows me that it’s harder to accept that you are wrong, than to give someone apologize and accept they mistake. And today, My ‘Human Ego’ loses :)