shout out

last view weeks was the hardest week of mine.

some working life crash.
some love life crash.
some business crash.
something hit me from inside here.

you will have a lot of time to cried. trying to stay when you felt so exhausted, i cannot explain how it feels like. letting yourself to felt something that you hate so much.
you know who will makes your life be peace in the future, but you also know which one fills your ego.
you started something that you put your effort so much, but they didn't gave it to you.

i'm just trying to face it all. let myself feel what i have to feel. but still, there is something wrapped in my mouth. and i still cannot stop thinking about something. i hate it, but i starts having something like "it should be like this" in my mind. i hate that kind of phrase. i hate that kind of "it should be like this".

Lord, could you please give me a time to have some rest? to go away from this? to do what i usually do? let me back to my previous happiness...

_________________

maybe now i'm on my way to ignore all of my thought above.
let's be happy for what you do today, Gla!
enjoy your process to learn more about plants!
enjoy your process!

No longer waiting

(2005)

This was my first time to visited Planetarium Jakarta. With all of my curiosity, I remember every single detail what I saw there, how I got amaze with anything inside, and why I couldn’t close my mouth in every step.

Masih lekat dalam ingatan, berdiri dengan mulut terbuka melihat replika kostum astronaut lalu membayangkan bagaimana rasanya. Masih lekat juga rasanya bahagia sampai badan rasanya ringan dan melayang (and I really felt it) saat masuk ke ruang pertunjukan di Planetarium lalu bisa melihat banyak sekali bintang diatas kepala, tanpa berkedip dan dengan mulut terbuka.

And I remember how it felt like, clearly!

(2017)

I’m one of people that remembering something by the feeling. I mean I know that I have some story in the past by what I feel when I see that again, even if I kept away for a long time.

Itu yang saya rasakan ketika akhirnya 12 tahun kemudian saya kembali ke Planetarium.

I remember where the place of Pasuruan asteroid. I see the replica of the astronaut’s outfit, and then I touched the cover glass and had an uncontrollable expression like when I was child.

Dan ketika pertunjukan dimulai, maybe you can’t believe that I still felt like floating in the air, smile from ear to ear, and for several time I was shouting like “WOW!” hahaha

That was a superb fine day for me, anyway :)

Lalayu!

In fact,

Its not good to know that someone really love you, really having crush on you.

You will put too much expectation on him.

And he of course disappoint you at some point.

Then you'll back to yourself and found that you were not as independent as before.

After all I've been through

Life only must go on.

After so many things happened in two thousands sixteen, you’d be a better one.

You were trying to be more adaptable.

Any replacement, people and office and behavior and so on, force you to be as flexible as possible.

You reached something you’d never dream before.

Begging for so many days to makes what you wish came to you, then you know how it feels like. Exhausted.

Giving your trust to Him, and everything seems like easier, lighter as cloud.

At the end, bitter&sweet, laugh&tear, good&bad, happy&sad, you just like sat and saw who’s came first.

Now, you just have to be thankful, for every moment that means precious. And now you have to let whatever will be, will be.

Xoxo,

GH.